>
> >>Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
> >>Ethel
> >>noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you
> >>know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have
a
> >>suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
> >>Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.  Now I think I know
> >>where to find my hearing aid."
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the
> >>paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
> >>No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned
and
> >>complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not
> >>gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course
I
> >>know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity
> >>to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always
was."
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were
> >>standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up
> >>and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't
> >>find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise
> >>that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks
went
> >>by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry
> >>to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We
> >>hauled her up to the deck and attached to her
> >>butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise."
> >>The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At
> >>the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out
when
> >>they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.  They hear a
faint
> >>moan.   They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
> >>She lives for ten more years, and then dies.  Once again, a ceremony is
> >>held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the
> >>casket.  As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries
out,
> >>"Watch that wall!"
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park
bench
> >>sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said,
"I
> >>have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning
and
> >>then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly
> >>ground coffee."
> >>I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"  She said, "He makes me
homemade
> >>soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for
half
> >>the afternoon.
> >>
> >>I said, "Well, why are you crying?"  She said, "For dinner he makes me a
> >>gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me
> >>until 2:00 a.m."  I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
> >>She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
they
> >>had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
> >>activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
> >>
> >>One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
> >>"Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
> >>time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
> >>but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend
> >>glared at her.  For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at
> >>her.  Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>THE SENILITY PRAYER
> >>Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
> >>the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
> >>and the eyesight to tell the difference.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10.
> >>oh hell, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they
> >>are. Then something is supposed to happen . . . . I think.
>
>