> Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: 
>  "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter 
> asked. 
>  She simply replied, "No peer pressure." 
>  ------------------------------------------ * * * * * 
> 
>  The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. 
>  ------------------------------------------ * * * * * 
> 
>  Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very 
> elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" 
>  "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." 
>  "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. 
>  She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?" 
>  ------------------------------------------------- * * * * * 
>  I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new 
> knees. Fought prostate 
>  cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a 
> jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and 
> subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, 
> hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have 
> lost all my friends. 
>  But...Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license! 
>  ------------------------------------------------ * * * * * 
>  A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my 
> sex drive lowered." 
>  "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is 
> all in your head?" 
>  "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it 
> lowered!" 
> 
>  ---------------------------------------------- * * * * * 
> 
>  God, grant me the senility To forget the people I never liked anyway, 
>  The good fortune To run into the ones I do, 
>  And the eyesight to tell the difference. 
>  ------------------------------------------------------ * * * * * 
>  An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her 
> final requests. 
>  She told her rabbi she had two final requests. 
>  First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes 
> scattered over Bloomingdales. 
>  "Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?" 
>  "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week." 
> 
>   :-) 
> 
>  Nobody Believes Old People 
> 
>  An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled 
> down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their sixtieth wedding 
> anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school. 
>  There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where 
> he had carved "I love you, Sally," 
>  On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car 
> practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what 
> to do with it so they take it home. 
>  There, she counts the money, and it's fifty-thousand dollars. The husband 
> says, "We've got to give it back," 
>  She says, "finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and 
> hides it up in their attic. 
>  The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood 
> looking for the money and show up at their home. 
>  They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out 
> of an armored car yesterday?" 
>  She says, "No." 
>  The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic," 
>  She says, "don't believe him, he's getting senile," 
>  But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "tell 
> us the story from the beginning," 
>  The old man says, "well, when Sally and I were walking home from school 
> yesterday..." 
>  The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "We're outta here...