> >How many men does it take to open a beer? 
> >None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? 
> > 
> >Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never 
> >be able to support you. 
> >-------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >Why do women have smaller feet than men? 
> >It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to 
> >the kitchen sink. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? 
> >When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >How do you fix a woman's watch? 
> >You don't. There is a clock on the oven. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >Why do men break wind more than women? 
> >Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the 
> >front door, who do you let in first? 
> >The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? 
> >A woman who won't do what she's told. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90% 
> >  It's called a Wedding Cake. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >Why do men die before their wives? 
> >They want to. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a 
> >bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. 
> >Then God created Man and rested. 
> >Then God created Woman. 
> >Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. 
> >------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> > 
> >Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who 
> >can handle the truth... 
> >