>A Dog's letter to God
>
>    
>  > >   Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if 
ever,
>   > >   smell one another?
>    
>  > >   Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or 
is
>   > >   it going to be the same old story?
>    
>  > >   Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the 
cougar,
>   > >   the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not 
ONE
>   > >   named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? 
We
>   > >   dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the
>   > >   'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
>   > >
>   > >   Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no 
human
>   > >   hears him, is he still a bad dog?
>   > >
>   > >   Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, 
hand
>   > >   signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's,
>   > >   electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What 
do
>   > >   humans understand?
>   > >
>   > >   Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
>   > >
>   > >   Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to 
shake
>   > >   hands to get in?
>
>   > >   Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I 
have
>   > >   to apologize?
>
>   > >   Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things 
I
>   > >   must remember to be a good dog:
>
>   > >   1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after
>   > >   they throw it up.
>
>   > >   2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
>   > >   because I like the way they smell.
>   > >
>   > >   3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty 
litter box;
>   > >   although they are tasty, they are not food.
>   > >
>   > >   4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
>   > >
>   > >   5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's 
laps.
>   > >
>   > >   6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
>   > >
>   > >   7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
>   > >
>   > >   8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
>   > >   Mom's driver's license and registration.
>   > >
>   > >   9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's 
on
>   > >   the toilet.
>   > >
>   > >   10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an 
acceptable
>   > >   way of saying 'hello.'
>   > >
>   > >   11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm 
lying
>   > >   under the coffee table.
>   > >
>   > >   12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering 
the
>   > >   house.
>   > >
>   > >   13. I will not throw up in the car.
>   > >
>   > >   14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my 
butt
>   > >   across the carpet.
>   > >
>   > >   15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick 
my
>   > >   crotch when company is over.
>   > >
>   > >   16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and 
he
>   > >   makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
>   > >
>   > >   And, finally my last question: Dear God: When I get to 
Heaven,
>   > >   may I have my testicles back?