>  >>True Doctor Stories 
> > >> 
> > >>A man comes into the ER and yells, 
> > >>"My wife's going to 
> > >>have her baby in the 
> > >>cab!" I grabbed my stuff, 
> > >>rushed out to the cab, 
> > >>lifted the lady's --Dress, 
> > >>and began to take off her 
> > >>underwear. Suddenly I 
> > >>noticed that there were 
> > >>several cabs, and I was 
> > >>in the wrong one. 
> > >> 
> > >>--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX 
> > >> 
> > >>At the beginning of my shift 
> > >>I placed a stethoscope on 
> > >>an elderly and 
> > >>slightly deaf female patient's 
> > >>anterior chest wall. 
> > >>Big breaths," I 
> > >>instructed. Yes, they used to be," 
> > >>remorsefully 
> > >>replied the patient. 
> > >> 
> > >>--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA 
> > >> 
> > >> 
> > >>One day I had to be the bearer 
> > >>of bad news when I told 
> > >>a wife that her 
> > >>husband had died of a massive 
> > >>myocardial infarct. Not 
> > >>more than five minutes 
> > >>later, I heard her reporting 
> > >>to the rest of the family 
> > >>that he had died of a 
> > >>"massive internal fart." 
> > >> 
> > >>--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada 
> > >> 
> > >> 
> > >> 
> > >>I was performing a complete physical, 
> > >>including the 
> > >>visual acuity test. I 
> > >>placed the patient twenty 
> > >>feet from the chart and 
> > >>began, "Cover your right 
> > >>eye with your hand." He read 
> > >>the 20/20 line perfectly. 
> > >>Now your left." 
> > >>Again, a flawless read. Now both," 
> > >>I requested. There 
> > >>was silence. He 
> > >>couldn't even read the 
> > >>large E on the top line. I 
> > >>turned and discovered that 
> > >>he had done exactly what 
> > >>I had asked; he was standing 
> > >>there with both his 
> > >>eyes covered. I was laughing 
> > >>too hard to finish the exam. 
> > >> 
> > >>--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA 
> > >> 
> > >>During a patient's two week 
> > >>follow-up appointment with 
> > >>his cardiologist, he 
> > >>informed me, his doctor, 
> > >>that he was having trouble 
> > >>with one of his 
> > >>medications. Which one?" 
> > >>I asked. The patch. The nurse 
> > >>told me to put on a 
> > >>new one every six hours and 
> > >>now I'm running out of 
> > >>places to put it!" I had 
> > >>him quickly undress and 
> > >>discovered what I hoped I 
> > >>wouldn't see. Yes, the man 
> > >>had over fifty patches on his body! Now the 
> > >>instructions include removal of 
> > >>the old patch before applying a new one. 
> > >> 
> > >>--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA 
> > >> 
> > >> 
> > >>While acquainting myself with 
> > >>a new elderly patient, I 
> > >>asked, "How long have 
> > >>you been bed-ridden?" 
> > >>After a look of complete 
> > >>confusion she answered 
> > >>Why, not for about twenty years 
> > >>-- when my husband was alive." 
> > >> 
> > >>--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR 
> > >> 
> > >> 
> > >>I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, 
> > >>So, how's your breakfast this morning?" 
> > >>It's very good, except for the Kentucky 
> > >>Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," 
> > >>the patient replied. I then asked to see the 
> > >>jelly and the woman produced a foil packet 
> > >>labeled "KY Jelly." 
> > >> 
> > >>--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI 
> > >> 
> > >>And Finally . . . . 
> > >> 
> > >>A new, young MD doing his 
> > >>residency in OB was quite 
> > >>embarrassed performing 
> > >>female pelvic exams. To cover 
> > >>his embarrassment he had 
> > >>unconsciously formed 
> > >>a habit of whistling softly. 
> > >> 
> > >>The middle aged lady upon whom 
> > >>he was performing this 
> > >>exam suddenly burst 
> > >>out laughing and further 
> > >>embarrassed him. He looked up 
> > >>from his work and 
> > >>sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. 
> > >>Was I tickling you?" 
> > >> 
> > >>She replied, "No doctor, 
> > >>but the song you were 
> > >>whistling was 'I wish I was 
> > >>an Oscar Meyer Wiener." 
> > >>